Forumstuck 1: Skaian Holiday (DEFUNCT)

Eris took the hallway as if competing for the long jump at a track meet, skidding to a halt just before her bedroom door. She stepped inside and slammed the door behind her. She sat on the bed and opened up her laptop. She frowned. No one on Pesterchum yet. Shame. She'd spent most of the morning dodging Sis for nothing, then - payback would be required for being forced to wear the elf hat while exchanging presents. It wasn't all bad, at least. Sis had given her a new weapon abstratus - pistolkind, more than likely because of the incident with the azalea bushes over Bonfire Night. Really, the one time her modus gave her the thing the first time...

"ELLO!"

She turned. Oh, right. Eris pushed herself off the bed and walked to the corner. She pulled the blanket off of the birdcage and picked up the bag of seed off of the floor. Pouring a little bit into the dish through the bars, she set it back down and hoped that would be enough to shut Horus up for a little while. Awesome pet, he was, but now was not the time. She'd no sooner sat down than he burst into a squawky rendition of "Where the Buffalo Roam." She sank back and pulled a pillow over her head.

A jingle from her computer startled her. She tossed the pillow to the floor, hitting the dresser. She looked at the screen and saw a blank Pesterchum window open. Wait, that wasn't blank. She looked closer.

-- stoicShepherd [SS] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

SS: A very merry Christmas to you, brave Paladin.
SS: You need not respond. I have many last minute things to look into, and you and your friends have your game.
SS: I must say, I will miss gaming with your group. I am glad we finished our campaign when we did. A fitting end.
HH: morbid today, aren't we?
HH: happy christmas to you too

Eris waited a few minutes. Something moved on the screen. She looked over.

-- stoicShepherd [SS] is an idle chum! --

She groaned and closed the window. Shep was such a prima donna. He always made everything sound like the end of the world.

Well, nothing else to do at the moment. She turned on the DVD player and put in a disk. Might as well watch movies until people came on. And nothing too good, or she wouldn't want to stop and chat. Battlefield Earth should work.

The mind-numbing carols drifted through Matt's house, shattering his concentration. He threw down his notebook in disgust. His dear sweet Gram Gram was trying to get to him again. Whenever he locked himself in his room, she would increase the volume of that asinine music hoping that some of the holiday cheer would breach his sanctuary of agony and lament. Nothing drove him more insane than having to listen to the ludicrous tale of a malformed reindeer who saves Christmas by using his glowing tumor as a beacon to guide the red devil's chariot through the fog over and over and over again.
Maybe he could take his mind off the cacophony of joy and merriment by doing what he always does. Gripe about it on Pesterchum. He opened his laptop and logged in. He was glad to see that Eris was already on. Thank the dark gods of all that is unpleasant. She is the only one who would understand what he was going through. Well, not really, but he liked to pretend she did. The two of them had one of those relationships. One where they would make sarcastic comments at each others expense, but deep down they had actually come to rely on one another and were comfortable speaking about personal matters knowing that they would not be judged for being different. What was that called again? Ah yes...Friendship.

-- facelessSchemer [FS] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

FS: ~Eris
FS: ~Are you there?
FS: ~For the love of all that is unholy, please tell me you are not watching another deplorable piece of cinematic filth like you're always doing when I pester you.

Of course she was, he didn't even need to ask that question. As he waited for a response, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. On his desk was a tiny present, wrapped in bright and festive paper and adorned with an insidious yellow bow. He snatched the note that was attached and read it.

Dear grandson,
I know you've been asking about this for a while, so I thought I would wait until this special day to give it to you. Merry Christmas!
- Gram Gram

Contemptible woman! When did she sneak in here to deliver this? He really needs to get better locks for the door. Wait, she said it was something he had been asking for...Could it be?

A jingle from the laptop caught her attention. Eris looked over and clicked on the blinking taskbar. She read the message and smirked. Finally, someone was on. Time to see how long before Matt went on a Christmas rant.

HH: oh, hey
HH: I'd wish you a happy...you know, but yeah
FS: ~It's fine, I'm used to hearing it so much that it no longer matters
HH: in that case allow me to say it a dozen times in rapid succession
FS: ~For all that is dark and brooding, please don't
HH: thought it no longer matters
HH: anyway, sup
FS: ~It doesn't but...Whatever
FS: ~Listen, I think it finally came today
HH: sweet
HH: i guess
HH: this game still sounds like more trouble than it's worth
FS: ~Our means of escape from this time of joy and wonder
HH: yeah i think we could've just trolled gaia or something
HH: but whatev
HH: you heard from anyone else today
FS: ~Not yet
HH: shep's being cryptic
FS: ~When is he not? He enjoys confusing us
HH: well, I assume he sleeps
HH: so when did you want to start this game
FS: ~I'm sure he has cryptic dreams and nightmares that he writes down to confuse us with when he's awake
HH: you know
FS: ~Um, as soon as I open this present
HH: I think that explains that last campaign we did
FS: ~And know it is the game for sure
HH: seriously what was with the game themed cult
HH: so I'll let you get to your present, and I'll just wait and listen to travolta being a ham worthy of the finest deli
FS: ~I'm sure it was some sort of ironic statement against capitalism and the current generation
HH: gog why was this movie made
FS: ~I'm going to pretend you aren't watching that movie and start opening this present
HH: keep pretending
HH: but I was laughing my arse off at horrible movies while you were still learning to spell your name
FS: ~Ignoring that statement, I feel I should inform you that the present I received today is indeed...
HH: another fancy santa
FS: ~Yes
FS: ~Yes it is
FS: ~And the game came with it
HH: so now you will forever associate this game with your favorite holiday
FS: ~The woman just wanted to torment me some more
HH: well, everyone needs a hobby
FS: ~I really hope that's the case
HH: if you want
HH: i can send her some fireworks for a new hobby
FS: ~It would make me feel more bitterness and resentment towards this holiday and fill up a whole page of my diary
FS: ~NO! No more explosives!
HH: but the fireworks could go wrong and burn up some of your santas
HH: ...and sis told me to get rid of the ones she found in the garage anyway
FS: ~We're still remodeling after the present you gave me for my birthday
HH: told you not to shake the box
FS: ~Send some to Rick, I'm sure he'd love them
HH: what makes you think I haven't?
FS: ~Because, to my knowledge, his house is still intact
HH: I'm not convinced his maid isn't friggin secret service or something
HH: besides, it's just as fun to send horrible horrible scifi to everyone
HH: and results in a lot less talking to the cops
FS: ~I'm debating which is the lesser of two evils
HH: you loved the star wars special, admit it
FS: ~Oh yes. Yes I did
FS: ~After watching it, I spent several days wallowing in despair and misery
HH: so the usual then
FS: ~More or less
FS: ~Anyways, on the subject of the game. We'll need to make sure everyone else plans on going through with this before starting it up
HH: yep
HH: same order we discussed?
FS: ~Yes
HH: k
HH: I'll let you know if I see anyone else to play this stupid game
HH: but I think I'm gonna get back to my movie
FS: ~You do that
HH: later, matt
FS: ~Farewell

She closed the window and looked back at the TV, reaching into her stocking for some candy to snack on. Nothing to do now but wait for the rest of their little band of fools. Hopefully they weren't enjoying the holiday too much. They'd never get the game over with then.

"Shit! Shitshitshitshitshitshit!" Joan just realized what day it really was, after her stepdad offered her a casual "merry Christmas," and she completely forgot about getting any of her friends anything! Joan and her Stepdad didn't exchange gifts with eachother (why should they need an excuse to give eachother cool stuff?), but there was always a wonderful Christmas meal, and Joan could hear her Stepdad already hard at work. Good thing she absconded with her half-eaten breakfast once she realize that it was Christmas, before getting into some big event that revolved around booting her out of his kitchen.
God damn he was such a drama king.

Nearly tripping over various crap lying on her floor, Joan rushed to her computer, turning it on. She set down her plate on her desk beside it, and set up her tablet. Once she was done and the machine was started up, she sat down, got comfortable, opened her preferred drawing program, brought her stylus to the tablet, and welcomed artist's block like a brick to the face.

Oh... Whatever then. Might as well say hi to people and wish them well while figuring out their gifts. She logged into Pesterchum and waited for people to talk to her first. She had some serious artist's block to defeat.

The laptop jingled, and Eris looked back to the screen. Someone to bother. She read the chumhandle and couldn't help sighing a little. He was probably the person she wanted to talk to least right now. Still...more entertaining than the movie she was watching.

-- antithesisLegionnaire [AL] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] at 8:11 --

AL: Merry Christmas.
AL: Did you receive the present I sent you?
HH: happy christmas to you too
HH: and maybe
HH: I've got a stack of boxes in the corner I haven't gotten to yey
HH: yet
HH: yeah this movie is rotting my brain
AL: Well, when you do find it I'm sure you'll like it.
AL: I did make it with you in mind.
HH: good to know
HH: hey, you heard from shep by any chance
AL: I pestered him briefly, sounds like he's busy.
HH: he's a bit morbid today
HH: moreso than usual I mean
AL: Hm?
AL: I guess I didn't notice.
HH: a fitting end?
HH: to what exactly
AL: To the campaign I figured.
HH: finishing the campaign was a fitting end to the campaign
AL: ...Right...
HH: you suggested it
AL: Still, I wouldn't think too deeply about it, it's just Shep being Shep.
HH: I guess
HH: here's hoping he just hit the eggnog a little hard
AL: Haha, yeah.
AL: Oh right.
AL: I have that Sburb game now.
AL: When are we going to get started with that?
HH: my joy and rapture know no bounds
HH: hell if I know
HH: whose idea was playing it again
AL: Matt.
AL: Have you talked to him yet?
HH: remind me to sing christmas carols at him next time he's on
HH: yeah
HH: he's waiting for everyone else to get started
AL: I see.
AL: Couldn't he just start and let us all join in when we're ready?
AL: There's no reason to all jump in at the same time.
HH: I dunno how the game works
HH: could be one of those things where you need everyone
HH: besides, we already got the order worked out
AL: You do?
HH: yeah at the last gaming session
AL: Refresh my memory...
HH: matt me you joan shea evan
AL: Oh, right.
AL: So that makes me your "Server" player then?
AL: ...
AL: And I'm stuck with Joan.
HH: let me play a sad song for you on the worlds smallest violin
AL: Fantastic.
AL: Oh good, you got your gift from Evan.
HH: I did?
AL: It was a joke.
HH: interesting. it wasn't funny
AL: I don't put much stock in your ability to find humor in anything that isn't terrible.
HH: that explains why I talk to you
AL: ...
HH: so I'll let you get back to worrying about what joan's gonna do to you
AL: Oh thanks.
AL: Don't forget, whatever she can do to me, I can also do to you.
HH: oh I know
AL: See you in game. >:)
HH: but you'll be done with me by the time I can send her ideas
AL: Sure I will.
AL: So long.

-- antithesisLegionnaire [AL] ceased pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

She frowned a moment.

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering antithesisLegionnaire [AL] --
HH: oh one more thing
HH: http://tinyurl.com/gameonbro
-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] ceased pestering antithesisLegionnaire [AL] --

Rick may have thrown down the gauntlet, but damn if she wasn't going to earn whatever he came up with. Eris smirked. Today might not be so boring after all.

Another day, another court date for Drake. Guy set fire to a Christmas tree in the mall for Pete's sake. Nothing wrong with a little pyromania from time to time but the guy needs to learn some restraint.

So Evan's Christmas began with a $500 fine and a red-faced judge shouting at his cousin while he slouched in the back row with his MP3 player blasting his eardrums into oblivion. Not that he was missing much - there was rarely enough spare cash lying around between the two of them to make it worthwhile getting anything for Christmas. He'd been promised a copy of this game the D&D group was going to start playing, but other than that he didn't plan on having anything to open today. Heck, Drake hadn't even put up a tree. Probably 'cause he'd be tempted to burn down the house if he did.

There had been though, a package in the mail from Rick. He'd unwrap that later, at the moment he'd just gotten home and barely managed to slink off into his room without Drake noticing the box and asking what was inside. The discs for the game were also there, lying on top of his computer tower. One of the disc covers had an edge where it had been chewed - the lizards had probably gotten hold of it, thankfully the disc itself was unharmed.

Speaking of which, he'd left his computer on. Drake had dragged him out rather unexpectedly and he hadn't had a chance to put it in sleep mode much less shut down. Pesterchum was blinking two windows at him - one from Shep, one from Rick. Evan tossed a few chopped-up carrots into the cage for the critters to snack on then launched a trio of marbles at some pipes on the far end of the room, creating an echoing "Do do doooooo" tone in return. He then turned his full attention to the computer and pulled up Shep's window.

--stoicShepherd [SS] began pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS]--
SS: Merry Christmas oh cunning Rogue.
SS: It appears I have missed you, so when you return consider this my regards for the season.
SS: Do enjoy your game, and best of fortune to you in the endeavor to follow.
--stoicShepherd [SS] ceased pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS]--

Good ol' Shep. Always so melodramatic. Ah well, guess that's a talent you need when you GM, Evan mused with a slight smirk. He debated replying, but Shep appeared to be offline. At least I don't have to deal with more of that blasted white text. Grey man, grey! Good lord is it that hard to change your text color in his version of PC?

Now to tag back Rick... after he found out what was in the box.

Evan wondered if it was Rick or his Super Secret Spy Maid or some genius at the postal office or even Drake trying to get a laugh that wrapped this box in a bazillion layers of tape. Either way he couldn't manage to tear enough of it to get it open with his bare hands, and if he had scissors or a knife in his room he couldn't find them. It was in the midst of debating this that Pesterchum beeped at him once more.

-- amazonaReveille [AR] began pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

Keys did the job alright. A few pieces of the Lego construct had fallen off during shipping but for the most part it was intact. Evan reattached the broken parts where he thought they belonged and set it on top of his computer tower, then after a moment's thought relocated it to the other end of the desk, away from the lizard cage. He then stepped up and slipped away out of the room, eyes careful for avoiding yet another interaction with his cousin.

Eris was rapidly losing interest in the movie. She clicked off the TV and slumped back on her bed and glanced at the laptop. More people online.

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --
HH: hey
HH: happy christmas, joan

She heard a thump from downstairs and sat up. Probably Sis messing with the decorations again. Maybe rearranging the presents...

Right...Eris had left a couple boxes down there. Rick's was probably among them. She sighed and pushed off from the bed without waiting for an answer. With a little luck, she could get down and back without running into her sister.

Eris peeked carefully around the corner. Her eyes darted over the meticulously arranged furniture. No sign of Sis. Good. She finished her scan; as she'd thought, a small stack of boxes under the tree. No idea how she'd missed them...no, wait. That had been where Sis had laid the big box with the specibus card and ammunition.

Well, no point in screwing around. She lunged into the room, landing halfway from the tree. She reached down for the stack when the lights flickered. Eris closed her eyes and groaned. That could only mean one thing. She captchalogued the presents and turned around. Sure enough. leaning in the doorway was her Sis, fashionably dressed as usual, a smug grin about her mouth. Eris wondered if she could sneak past before a lecture on being less of a tomboy, or worse...

She made a run for it.

Sis's hand came down, an elegant fan held gracefully between her fingers. Eris came to a halt. In the corner of her eye, her sylladex sprang into view. She reached for the newest card, her HEART M1900, a pistol Sis had gotten engraved as a gift. Eris made a mental note to find a way and scratch off the heart as quickly as possible. True to form, her Russian Roulette sylladex sprang into action. The card turned face down, and five others surrounded it. They spun in a circle, and Eris selected one. Blank. A second. Success. The gun fell into her hand, and she faced her Sis.

>ADVANCE

She fired a round, wondering briefly what was wrong with the world that this was normal behavior. Sis intercepted it with her fan, knocking it to the ground. That was not good. Sis swung at Eris with the fan; Eris blocked with the gun.

>ADVANCE

She fired again, this time parting Sis' hair down the middle and destroying her bun. Sis dropped her arm to the side, glaring at her. She frowned and pointed down the hall, clearly signaling Eris to go to her room. Eris didn't need to be told twice and scampered off, feeling the XP gain. She wasn't about to complain, but that had seemed a little too easy.

Once in her room, she looked at her laptop. Still no response from Joan. But there were other people online...

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

He was moments from turning his attention to the errand when another message popped up on his screen. Joan was online now, nice timing. Yay procrastination.

-- petrifiedSeeker [PS] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

Spoiler:

-- petrifiedSeeker [PS] ceased pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

Alright, enough stalling, time to go look for Shea's package.

The hall was empty, good enough. The mail was probably on the kitchen/den border counter where it tended to get piled until Drake scrounged together enough cash to pay the month's bills. Evan drew the first marble from his belt pouch as he advanced slowly down the hall toward the kitchenette, ducking under the protruding snouts and tails of his cousin's many dragon figurines adorning every last shelf and hole in the wall in the apartment. It seemed everything was going to be cl-

SNEAK ATTACK!!

The head of the shaft of maple wood smacked cleanly between Evan's shoulderblades, sending him sprawling onto the kitchen floor in a heap. Drake stood in the doorway behind him, wild hair askew and baseball bat bouncing on his shoulder, soot and ash on his maniacally-grinning face. Evan reeled, rolling over and springing to his feet.

>ADVANCE

The first marble flew from his fingers as he rose to standing, darting straight at Drake's face, but the pyromaniac was ever the faster. The bat flashed in front of him as Drake swung one-handed, sending the marble flying back, zipping into Evan's chest with a painful sting. Two more marbles were already in his fingers and as he backpedaled he threw, one aimed high for the head and another low for the knee; the bat snapped up to knock the former back at him while Drake simply sidestepped the latter.

Evan snatched at the first marble that had been hit back to him and sent it flying once more; this time he managed to catch Drake's left arm before the bat could intercept. The madman flinched, and Evan saw his chance. He felt his back pressing up against the counter and risked a look.

Yes! There was a box addressed to him; he didn't have time to check the return address to assure it was Shea's or not. He snatched it up and captchalogued it into his Ringer sylladex; he would need another object to drop in to knock it out of the circle when he was ready to open it, but he had plenty of spare junk in his room for that very purpose.

SWISH!

Instinct and reflex were the only things that saved him that time as the bat whoosed too close to his skull for comfort. Evan flung himself forward, rolling under Drake's swinging arms and bowling across the ground, stopping just long enough to scoop up his three thrown marbles.

>ABSCOND

No looking back, not for a second as he scrambled down the hall toward the safety of his room, knocking a brassy dragon to the ground in the process. Drake's slightly psychotic cackle echoed off the apartment walls after him, only truly falling silent when he slammed the bedroom door. At least the lunatic reverted to his Batkind stratibus while indoors; his normal Flamethrowerkind was simply too destructive to be used for these sorts of interactions.

Sighing, Evan returned the used marbles to the bag and unceremoniously dropped into his chair. There was still the rings from Rick and Joan who had both since gone AFK, the open window from offline Shep, and a new blinking message from Eris. He'd get the box out of the sylladex and open it later, after talking to her.

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] ceased pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Wow ok. This is taking forever. Why do you spend so long doing these things Joan what's wrong with you.

This was not one of her better days for arts. Somehow everything just managed to look like it was being done by someone who had never seen another human being and only had a vague description. Joan idly wondered if Rick ever imagined his roleplaying character as looking like a cross between a human and a horse or something. Maybe there was some cow in there too. Oh well, it would have to do. It's the thought that counts, right? And it's not like there's any more time she can devote to it if everyone else wants to have their gifts before Judgment Day.

Joan saved the file and closed the open project. One less to go. Now that she was no longer completely in the zone of making the present, she decided to check Pesterchum. Maybe someone spoke to her and she never noticed. Oh hey, three people did. Eris, Rick, and... Oh, that guy.

Shep was lucky that Joan had tinkered with her Pesterchum client. If she kept the white background, there was no way she'd indulge him in reading what he said most of the time. There was especially no way that she'd even bother to look over this novel that he'd just written her.

Of course that didn't mean that she didn't want to deal with him right now. I've been busy; I'm sure he understands. There's no reason for him to know I'm not ignoring PC now. So... Merry Christmas, fierce Barbarian. Oh you certainly know how to sweet-talk a lady. I have had great pleasure in creating your campaigns for you and your friends. You have consistently adopted your roles in our campaigns well, some empty words, something about hoping that playing a barbarian hasn't ruined abilities to think ahead, I'm dying of laughter, blah blah blah, hoping to be able to put that zeal into facing future challenges how do you not have carpal tunnel what is this etc etc etc something about our game, good luck, yadda yadda yadda.

It took Joan a bit to realize her eyes had kinda glazed over and she retained nothing from the end of that message. Oh well, she could read it later, then get back to him after that, so that he wouldn't think that she had intentionally ignor--

The little pesterchum alert went off. Shep had sent a new message just now. That was odd, considering the timestamp showed that he sent that massive thing around an hour ago. He said that she didn't have to respond; he understood that she was busy with things, and was feeling rushed. Shep kinda creeped Joan out like that, on occasion. Don't tell anyone.

Trying to forget about that little thing, Joan checked Rick's message... But it was pointless because he wasn't online right now. Well that's one less thing to worry about. Eris was on, though, so Joan figured she'd take her mind off of things and say hi.

-- mercilessTango [MT] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

Okay, Joan needed a weapon, and she needed one fast. She also really really needed to go to the bathroom. But no. Weapon first. Dammit. Why didn't you get a weapon sooner, dummy. She grabbed an object on her desk and asked it to get captchalogued and also put into her specibus. Well, more like she demanded it. Whoops. That's not going to be a happy camper. Crap. Next thing. Shit, messed up again. Something else. Fuck.

Let it be known that being a little terrified and also needing to go to the bathroom REALLY BADLY does wonders to someone's abilities to think clearly and speak pretty. Joan was positive that she pissed off almost anything that could be a useful weapon in her room. She really, really hated this damn kid's modus sometimes. The Manners Modus both sucks and blows when you're in a bit of a panicked rush.

Closing her eyes and trying her best to calm herself, Joan gave up on picking something out and decided to go for the first random thing she found. She spun herself a couple times, lurched forward a step or two in a random direction, and grabbed the first thing she could. She was apparently holding some sort of smooth, cool, metallic tube. What the hell was it even. She calmly and politely asked it into her specibus, figuring she'd find out later if she really needed to.

--

Okay, this was definitely the creepiest thing ever. Joan had gotten to the bathroom and out unscathed, so the worst was definitely going to happen soon. But it was quiet. Really, really quiet. Joan padded as quietly as she thought was human possible towards the kitchen. Maybe her stepdad wouldn't hear her, and she could just zoom in, do what she needed to do, and abscond before bad things happened. Yeah, and maybe someday I'll be God. Where all the regular clattering of pans and whatnot were, Joan had no idea. The kitchen being this quiet but smelling this good never happened. Oh god it smelled delicious. Joan's mouth started watering.

And then her cover was blown with a loud growl. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--

Joann leapt into the kitchen, putting her empty plate on the island and diving for the fridge. She barely got it open and inch before it was slammed shut. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.

Obviously the best possible thing to do in this sort of situation is freeze up and pretend you're camouflaged to the ground. That is exactly what Joan did because it is the best thing. Wow that man was intimidating. Never tell a man who's cooking that his apron makes him look silly. Joan tried that once. She suspects that she's definitely dealing with PTSD.

Her stepdad... didn't actually do anything. Just glared at her. Mindgames. Joan noticed that the corner of the island that was just beyond him had a sort of envelope or package on it.


"So, uh," Joan was a master at the art of speaking. "Was there any mail for me?"

He wordlessly handed Joan a few of the things that had come in the mail, then turned to deal with her plate. Yes! An opportunity! Joan whipped the fridge open and grabbed a block of cheese and a can of... something, she assumed. She whipped around to retreat to her room, making mental victory cheers for having been able to actually get into the fridge.

...Oh so that's why the fridge was openable. Her stepdad was now blocking her only means of getting her room. Uh. Craaaaaaap.

She had to juggle everything around for a moment to free up a hand for her weapon. Once she cradled all her prizes on her arm, she brought her desk lamp up and readied it for battle.

...Wait, a desklamp? Joan you incredible moron how did this happen. Oh well, gotta deal with it now...

Joan lunged at her stepdad, who easily deflected her attack, and returned in kind. Joan could do nothing but give up ground. Oh god, she hoped she wouldn't get really cornered. She kept on backpedaling until she ran into the counter. Ducking under his next attack, Joan realized that she was a massive idiot who could have solved this easily. She grabbed the first thing that was in reach on the counter--luckily, it was some kind of spice--and twisted the cap off to hold it over a nearby mixing bowl in the most threatening fashion she could.

Check.

Joan realized that basically anyone else would have found this amusing. She was holding a dish hostage, threatening to turn it into rosemary sludge if he didn't back off.

The stalemate lasted for only a few seconds, until Joan's stepdad went for the spice. Joan really didn't want to drop it into the food (she would be eating this later, after all), so she just tossed it to the side. Her stepdad managed to catch it, but had to get out of Joan's path to her room to save it. Swinging her lamp at her stepdad in hopes of phazing him for the crucial second she needed, Joan heard it make contact, but didn't really see any results. Crap.

Abscondabscondabscond. Joan bolted to her room, and managed to get inside and shut her door unhindered. She was safe now. Her stepdad wouldn't enter her domain. Phew. Welp, let's get back to Eris.

Spoiler:

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] ceased pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

Time to get started on this present. Eris well get the best damned wizard horse anyone ever set eyes on. Of that, Joan was positive.

Right. Time to get this present open. Evan had just begun hunting about for something appropriate to drop into his sylladex to knock the box out when Pesterchum beeped yet again.

Wait a minute... who the heck is this?

-- hibernalHawkshaw [HH] began trolling petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

Who the hell was that? Shep? If so he must be stone drunk or high out of his gourd. Eris was still online, maybe she would know.

Rick wasn't about to sit around and waste time anymore, he decided instead to finally check the presents under the tree. Maybe the maid would finally find something to occupy herself with rather than defending Christmas trees and all the gifts hidden in it's branches, one of which was guaranteed to hold the Sburb disks.

He opened the door just a crack, and when he noted that the coast was clear (and clean) he quickly crept down the hall to the first staircase. He knew better than to try and walk down it though, too much risk of tripping or creaking, so the course of action was clear, Rick climbed up onto the wide railing, gripped each side to control his speed and slid his way down, landing with a soft thud at the bottom of the second staircase.

Rick allowed himself a sigh of relief once he entered the living room, thankfully lacking any presence other than himself and the tree unguarded. Finding the presents proved to be difficult as Rick's maid had camouflaged them well, but after several minutes of searching he found what he was looking for, the Sburb disks sat across the branches at the top of the tree, unfortunately upon grabbing the nearest branch to hoist himself up, his dear chameleon revealed itself by flopping down onto Rick's hand, causing him to jerk it away and making himself, the chameleon, and the tree to come crashing to the floor.

Knowing the danger he was now in Rick frantically slid himself out from under the tree, captchalogued the now much easier to reach presents with his Vault sylladex and dashed... right into a face full of broom.

===> Round 1.

Trying to not let her capitalize on the surprise attack Rick quickly retrieved his trusty umbrella from his strife deck and stabbing towards the assumed position of one of her legs to knock his aggressor off balance, but failed when it caught with his maid's broom and mop. with his sight now unobstructed Rick opened up his umbrella, creating a crack in the maid's defense and charged forward, making her dodge to the side and letting him create some distance between them.

===> Aggress

After closing the umbrella Rick lunged forward, but the maid swiftly swept him off his feet and then with a spin, slapped him in the face with both the mop and broom. Upon finishing the spin Rick had managed to disappear from her sight.

===> Aggress

He had managed to get behind her by going low to the ground after the second hit and heading in the opposite direction of her spin. Taking advantage of this he jumped and swung down at her shoulder, it connected for a brief second until she crouched down, wrapped her broom around the back of his neck and the mop below his feet and flipped him over to be slammed down on the floor.

===> Abscond

Having been dazed from the landing Rick swung his umbrella at random, being rewarded by having it knocked from his hands and another slap across the face with the mop. The inevitability of his loss finally sinking in, Rick decided to make a run for it, he had what he came for so there was no need to stick around and have the floor mopped with him. He spun to his feet and made a feint for the umbrella, which was met by the umbrella being swept into the fallen tree, exactly as he'd hoped for.

Before his maid could turn her attention back to him, Rick made a mad dash to and up the staircase. Upon reaching the door to his room he found that his umbrella was now hanging from it's handle on the knob; his maid had gotten there first.

He felt better not questioning how she could sneak past him up the stairs and instead decided to just move on and get back to his room. He added his umbrella back to his strife deck and entered his room to hopefully find that the game was finally on.

Spoiler:

Matt felt a little relieved that he would be able to rely on Rick. Truth be told, he would much rather have Rick act as their leader. Matt wasn't sure if he could handle this kind of responsibility. Oh well, things had already been decided. For now, he should concentrate on avoiding his dear sweet Gram Gram. Every year, Matt was forced to sit on that oversized Santa doll and take a picture. It was such a dreaful experience, being so close to that despicable demon. Well, not this year. Matt was not going to stand for it. Holding his laptop under his arm, he looked outside his room to make sure his Gram Gram wasn't around, then made a mad dash to the end of the hallway. A piece of string dangled overhead, signifying his escape route. He grabbed the string and pulled it down, causing a ladder to fall out. Matt scampered up and quickly closed the door. He retreated to the farthest corner of the attic and opened up his laptop. As if on cue, someone began pestering him.


-- stoicShepherd [SS] began pestering facelessSchemer [FS] --

SS: I take it you have begun to put your plan into action?
FS: ~Yes, we're doing this. We're making this happen.
FS: ~Though one thing still bothers me...
SS: And what would that be?
FS: ~Why me?
SS: Pardon?
FS ~You chose me to be the leader in your stead, but we both know that I'm not cut out for this
FS: ~Anyone would have been more suitable as leader
FS: ~But no, it's me. The wimpiest, mopiest, most loser guy possible
FS: ~There's no way I can do this
SS: You are wrong.
SS: I never chose you, Scribe. I merely informed you of the path you would take.
FS: ~What do you mean by that?
SS: Besides, your position does not matter. You all have a role to play.
SS: In time, you will see this.
FS; ~You make it sound like this is some predetermined thing
FS: ~Just what are you talking about?

-- stoicShepherd [SS] is an idle chum! --

What the hell is that guy's deal? Was he just being dramatic? Whatever, Matt wasn't interested in dwelling on the matter. He opened up a game of Tetris on his computer to help pass the time until his Gram Gram gave up on getting his picture.

...Okay. Done with this one. Eris was definitely going to get the finest wizard horse with the most exquisite bathrobe ever.

Ok so Joan isn't good at coming up with very meaningful pictures on the fly. So sue her.

Well, now that she was finished, she figured that she might as well check to see if a certain HIDING SOMEONE was on Pesterchum again.

Spoiler:

-- mercilessTango [MT] began pestering antithesisLegionnaire [AL] --

Spoiler:

Alright. Two down, one delivered. Now for the ne-

-- hibernalHawkshaw [HH] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

Spoiler:

What the hell just happened? Better find out. It's not like there are no leads, though!

-- mercilessTango [MT] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

THE PLOT THICKENS.

Yeah okay what a total waste of time. It's like what, is any teen made of time these days? These gifts aren't going to wait forever, especially not this very beautiful Santa image. Heheheheheh.

--

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

...what now?

Spoiler:

Uh, okay that was weird. Oh well, back to the painti-

-- loquaciousAmateur [LA] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

Uuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh what do you waaaaaaaaaant from meeeeeeeeeee

Spoiler:

Wow, not so often that people using allcaps are kinda sorta adorable in that they get shaken up so easily. Definitely not blocking this weird person.

CRASH!!!!

"Crapcrapcrapcrapjesushellgod"

Legos. EVERYWHERE. Good grief. He had just been stretching, for the love of... ohthankjesusrickison

-- petrifiedSeeker [PS] began pestering antithesisLegionnaire [AL] --

Spoiler:

A little sifting through the wreckage solved that panic attack, thank God - a folded plastic booklet with step-by-step instructions for reassembling the ship, and a new pile of Cat's Eyes for his collection. That made Rick's gift ten times better right there. Evan didn't get much past rebuilding the base of the vessel; Eris was on and if anyone would know why Shep was pestering people while drunk it would probably be her. He'd let the broken Legos distract him long enough.

-- petrifiedSeeker [PS] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

Back to fixing the ship. Beep-beep! Who now?

-- taciturnMercenary [TM] began trolling petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

And halfway through THAT, another window pops up. Hey, it's Eris again.

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

Well. That was weird. That's the second person who'd bothered him in the space of an hour who he didn't know, was all cryptic in speech, typed strangely, and logged off without waiting for any sort of clarification. What the heck.

Beep-beep! WHAT THE HELL???

-- loquaciousAmateur [LA] began trolling petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

It took a moment for it to register that he had just given someone who had come out of left field with zero explanation his friend's Chumhandle on the off chance that he was talking about the upcoming game. He could probably blame purpletext numbersguy for putting his brain in that mindset, even though he'd neglected to remember that one when telling the green shouty person that he'd only talked to Mrr... no wait, Mrrs Rrolls Herr Rrs. Jesus Hell I need more sleep.

No rest for the weary though; right on cue, there's Matt. Better get his attention and nudge him toward Eris before that Loquacious guy bothers him.

-- petrifiedSeeker [PS] began pestering facelessSchemer [FS] --

Spoiler:

The bit about the ship wasn't exactly accurate, it was indeed on his desk but half of it was also still on the floor. WHATEVER. Evan flipped his monitor and speakers off and threw himself onto his bed. He'd be up in an hour or so and probably have messages falling out his ears, but his brain would be on straight at least. He hoped.

Over the years, Sis had made it a point to never let Eris get bored, a trend that had begun from the day Eris had chosen her first strife specibus. The fact drifted across her mind now as she looked at the bullet holes in the ceiling, some nowhere near the plastic star decorations she had been aiming for. Maybe Sis had had a good reason for her insistence on correcting her behavior. Nah.

She returned the pistol to her sylladex and stood, wondering what she could do to kill time. She looked at the stack of boxes again and sighed. She probably should go ahead and see what the big deal was, though it would give her an obligation to talk to Rick. She could wait. Her laptop jingled.

-- mercilessTango [MT] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

This was weird. She clicked to the new window.

-- hibernalHawkshaw [HH] began trolling hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

Eris shook her head. All right, then.

Spoiler:

Pesterchum jingled again. Eris rolled her eyes. What now?

-- taciturnMercenary [TM] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

What. Just... Eris couldn't help herself from pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head. Back to Joan.

Spoiler:

Joan was always fun to talk to, and it helped after those back to back mind screw chats. Having her in the game to talk to might almost balance out the fact that she was sandwiched in between Rick and Matt, almost guaranteed to assassinate any sense of fun she might detect. Oh well, their games never took that long.

Another jingle. OH NOW WHAT.

-- petrifiedSeeker [PS] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

Huh. Apparently this hawkshaw person was making the rounds. File that away for later use and possible blackmail... JESUS WHAT NOW

-- loquaciousAmateur [LA] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

Eris paused a moment. This was too good to pass up.

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering petrifiedSeeker [PS] --

Spoiler:

-- hyperactiveHistorian [HH] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

Spoiler:

If nothing else, this guaranteed some mild form of entertainment till the game officially started.

It had been a long day, but a good Christmas nonetheless. There were few days that Shea actually got to spend time with her parents that was longer than a "hello" in the evening or a "goodbye" in the morning, but be damned if Christmas wasn't one of them. And her Aunt was even civil for most of the day - once the gift-giving was out of the way (yet another dreaded fragile piece of junk of course) that is. A day with the family, and probably the best dinner she'd had since moving out here to the islands... which admittedly had only been a year and a half of her life thus far, but hey still the best.

She figured she should be free for the rest of the evening. Mother had already turned in and Father was on night shift this week; as long as her Aunt didn't come calling she would be able to spend the rest of Christmas night playing this new game with her friends online. While it was late afternoon in her neck of the woods it was midday for Eris in Britain and morning where the others lived in the States or Canada, and they'd be free all day.

Shep was on, as was Evan. Let's bug Evan first.

Now that that's done...

-- amazonaReveille [AR] began pestering stoicShepherd [SS] --

AR: Merry Christmas Shep! :D
SS: Merry Christmas, Priestess.
SS: Did you have a pleasant holiday?
AR: That I did. :)
AR: Shep, you never gave me your address! I can't send you a present if you don't.
SS: Do not worry overly much of me, I rarely receive mail.
SS: My situation is not too different from your own, after all.
AR: Ah, that's right. Sorry Shep, I forgot. :)
SS: Quite all right.
AR: Still sure you don't want to play Sburb with us?
SS: I am afraid I will be unable to join in your game, I have things I must attend to that will occupy my time too much.
SS: Thankfully we were able to bring the campaign to a conclusion before. It's a fitting end I think.
SS: Enjoy your new game, and best of fortune to you in your endeavors.
AR: I don't think the game will be THAT hard, Shep! ^_^

-- stoicShepherd [SS] is an idle chum! --

AR: Byyyyye Shep! Merry Christmas again. :D

-- amazonaReveille [AR] ceased pestering stoicShepherd [SS] --

Silly Shep going AFK in the middle of a conversation. Now let's see, who else is on...?

Matt closed his laptop and let out a sigh. It was time to collect Rick's present. Matt opened the attic door and crept down the ladder. His dear sweet Gram Gram was nowhere to be seen. Moving down the hall and to the stairs, Matt scanned the area for any sign of the woman and her army of miniature red demons. Sensing the coast was clear, he slid down the banister and made his way to the living room where the tree was located.

A pile of gifts sat next to the gaudy symbol of holiday cheer. He felt great shame for this once majestic and noble pine tree, cut down in its prime only to be propped up in the homes of others and decorated with tacky ornaments. Such humiliation the tree must feel. He shed a single tear in its honor. Were he anything like Evan's pyromaniacal cousin, he would free the tree from its suffering and give it a glorious send-off to Treehalla.

Okay, enough of that. Where's Rick's present? He shook the boxes one by one listening for anything that sounded LEGO-related. After moving several packages out of the way, he spotted an azure package hiding by the tree. Score! Matt scooped up the box and was about to return to his hiding place when he heard a menacing noise that had haunted him many a night. Sleigh bells a jingling. He turned to face his dear sweet Gram Gram, staring him down with her horn-rimmed spectacles. She held up a camera and a little santa hat. Matt dropped the package and equipped his Grandad's trusty razor. Before he had departed, he bequeathed his collection of shaving utensils to a young Matt, which he always found odd as the man had a monster of a beard that would make the red demon turn green with envy. Matt had taken a liking to the razor, as he would use it shave off the foul facial hair of his Gram Gram's Fancy Santa empire. The beard was the source of the demon's power, it was what made him so holly jolly. Unfortunately for ol' Saint Nick, neither beard nor brow nor moustache could stand against his grandfather's almighty razor of holiday shear. In retaliation, his Gram Gram equipped two new Fancy Santas.

>ADVANCE

Fighting Gram Gram was always difficult. Matt had to make sure to never hit her. What kind of deranged person would attack their own Gram Gram? She made the first move by shoving the new Twin Santas in his face. Whenever she got new ones, she would always show off how adorable they were to Matt.

>ABJURE

Matt tried to shove away the santas but his Gram Gram was persistent. Why couldn't she take the hint? He wanted nothing to do with those disgusting AUGH DAMMIT RIGHT IN THE EYE. His Gram Gram had made the error before of forgetting that one of his eyes was concealed beneath his stylish bangs. He should probably start wearing an eyepatch or something for protection.

>AGGRESS

In a fit of fury, Matt slashed at the Twin Santas, accidentally taking off one of their heads. Whoops. His dear sweet Gram Gram looked at the newly beheaded Santa, tears forming beneath her thick, horn-rimmed glasses. Matt felt like a real jerk now. Making his Gram Gram cry. He needed to make it up to her somehow. And regrettably, he knew just what he needed to do.

Once he was done taking his picture with Santa, he grabbed Rick's present and stomped back upstairs to the attic. Today was just not his day. It never was. He retreated to his attic corner and set down the gift. With his Grandad's trusty razor, he sliced open the package and pulled out...What a surprise! A holiday-themed LEGO ship. That Rick always knew just how to make Matt feel slightly more annoyed than he already was. Ah well, he was still grateful for the gift. With his mission completed, he went back to his laptop and resumed his game of Tetris.

Surprisingly, Shea happened to be playing the same game. It had taken some searching but she'd managed to find someone on the Internet who had coded a fully-functional Tetris Modus. She'd selected it specifically for the purpose of wiling away the hours; not much use if she was in a hurry, but it was a quick and easy way to kill time and all it required was that she drop something into her sylladex that she had no absolute need for in the near future. When she noted Matt was on, the urge to bother him was simply too great to be denied.

-- amazonaReveille [AR] began pestering facelessSchemer [FS] --

Spoiler:

What a depressing fellow. How on earth do you get so sick of Christmas?

She turned her attention back to her modus, but she didn't even have time to get the item she'd just captchalogued back out again before she was interrupted further. It caught her a little off guard when Pesterchum beeped at her; she hadn't seen any notifications of anyone else coming online yet, but...

Wait. Who's this?

-- hibernalHawkshaw [HH] began pestering amazonaReveille [AR] --

Spoiler:

Well. Wasn't that odd. Not the strangest conversation she'd ever had though. She went back to playing with her Modus for another twenty or thirty minutes before Pesterchum beeped again - oh look, Eris is on.

-- amazonaReveille [AR] began pestering hyperactiveHistorian [HH] --

Spoiler:

Iiiiiinteresting.

Matt was growing tired of Tetris. It was only able to keep his mind distracted from something much more exciting for a short time. Suddenly, he was pestered by Shea. Great, he needed to speak with her. After that conversation, he decided he should check if Eris was ready.


-- hibernalHawkshaw [HH] began pestering facelessSchemer [FS] --

Wait, who on earth was this?

Spoiler:

This day had proved hard on Matt's psyche, the last thing he needed was weirdo trolls. Matt then noticed that Joan was on and realized that he still needed to talk to her about the game.

-- facelessSchemer [FS] began pestering mercilessTango [MT] --

FS: ~Joan, are you there?
MT: Uh, yeah, I am.
MT: Hey!
FS: ~Hello
FS: ~Have the others already informed you of the game?
MT: Merry CHRISTMAS.
MT: Sorta kinda yeah. What about it?

Suddenly...
-- taciturnMercenary [TM] began pestering facelessSchemer [FS] --

Oh what now? He was just in the middle of a conversation.

Spoiler:

All right, these trolls were weird. Matt didn't have time for them now though. Back to Joan.

Spoiler:

This was just not Matt's day. He set down his laptop and went down to his room. Once there, he looked out the window. Joan's mention of a creepy closet stalker made him a little anxious, but it was probably nothing. He went over to his closet and opened the door. Looking around one last time, he quickly entered and shut the door behind him. He turned on a little light he had installed there and retrieved his notebook from a shoebox. He flipped it open and began writing.

On this once joyous holiday,
We had all decided to play
A game unlike any other
Since this day was such a bother
A troll then came and said
"Your world will soon be dead"

No, that sucked. Matt ripped the paper from his notebook and crumpled it up. Lousy stupid poetry.

Okay, brooding closet time was over. Matt put his notebook away and headed back to his laptop in the attic to check if Eris was on. Speak of the devil, she was pestering him. Perfect, they could finally begin.

Spoiler:

Realizing that his room was probably in danger, Matt snatched up his laptop and rushed out of the attic. It looked as though she had not yet tried to dismantle it.

Spoiler:

Matt exited his room. He could hear Eris moving his furniture about. He pressed his ear to the door. When he couldn't hear anything else, he opened the door. His mouth fell open at the sight of the contents of his room stacked upon each other like some game of Tetris.

Spoiler:

Heading downstairs, Matt could hear noises coming from the roof. Curious, he went outside and looked up to see, from what he could tell, a tower of Penrose stairs.

Spoiler:

Matt was heading back upstairs when he heard a loud crash.

HH: k, got it open
FS: ~Wait what?
HH: you don't mind that the couch hit the tree on the way across the room, right?

Matt raced back downstairs to find the symbol of his frustrations broken in half, it's tacky decorations now adorned the floor. The once noble tree, forced to suffer a slow and humiliating death was no more. Its spirit was now at peace in Treehalla. While this was a good thing, the living room was a huge mess. Eris was proving to be more of a handful than he had initially believed.

Spoiler:

The large Fancy Santa figure that Matt's Gram Gram forced him to pose with for Christmas photos was suddenly lifted into the air and hurled at the kernelsprite. Upon making contact with the sprite, it vanished in a flash of light. In it's place was now a floating Santa head.

Spoiler:

After placing the carved dowel in the alchemiter, something materialized onto the platform. Matt took one look at it and slapped his head in frustration. It was a Christmas cracker.

Spoiler:

Taking a deep breath, Matt picked up the cracker, closed his eyes, and snapped it in two. There was a loud "POP!" and he felt everything around him spin. Opening his eyes, Matt saw that his house was still intact. He looked back up to where the meteor had once been. There was nothing there anymore, except for some fluffy pink clouds. And...rainbows? His house was no longer situated atop some dreary Maine hill. He was surrounded by cotton candy clouds and rainbow arches that dipped into sparkling lakes. It was like something out of an accursed children's show. At that moment, Matt finally knew...that this was officially the worst Christmas ever.